Note to self:

When your boyfriend buys himself a brand new computer, try to remember that for the next few weeks, he will love it more than he loves you. As such, it is not advisable to kick the new computer (even if it was only by accident because the damn thing sticks out too much since there are already two other computers under his desk).

Note to Self:

The next time you stumble out of bed feeling hung over, looking for coffee and ibuprofen, and wondering why no matter how many times you rub your eyes, everything still seems blurry? It’s because you slept with your contacts in, you dumbass.

If you are going out of town for a couple days? And your significant other leaves work a little early, makes a special stop for groceries, then rushes home to make you a nice meal and actually suggests you eat at the table? Then it’s definitely NOT okay to put on Family Guy during dinner.

Just remember, the next time your girlfriend whines about how you never bring her flowers, you could have it much, much worse. [Sun]

A word of advice to those of you who don’t have to walk everywhere…

On a day like today (heavy rain with wind gusts up to 40+ mph), do not act surprised if I show up at the office looking a bit wet.

Do not act like you’ve never seen a rain-soaked person and ask “Don’t you have an umbrella?”

And when I say “Yes, I do have an umbrella,” do not look at me like I’m an idiot, point out the fact that my upper torso is wet, and try to use that as some sort of proof that I didn’t use an umbrella.

Furthermore, if I’m not wearing a hat, and there is no hood on my coat, yet my hair is still somehow dry? You can probably interpret that as a sign that I was indeed using an umbrella.

You see, that little phenomenon we know as “wind” tends to affect the rain and sometimes, causes it to blow sideways. And unless you have some sort of special full body umbrella, it’s only going to protect against the rain that comes from above you.

I know, I know… it’s hard for your little brain to comprehend. I’ll give you a minute to recover…. Okay then.

Yes, I’m a little wet. And yes, it sucks for me. But you know what? I didn’t need you to tell me that.

UPDATE: I’ve been “Blogicized.” Thanks! [Philadelphia Will Do]

I’d like to think that Edo and I are good hosts. After all, everyone who visits us says such nice things. It does wonders for our egos. :-)

So if you are coming to visit me for an overnight stay, or even a weekend, you never have to worry about asking for something. I’m happy to provide anything you need, from towels and pajamas to soap and shampoo or even a toothbrush (I always have extras). But if you are coming for a week or more, please don’t just assume it’s okay to use all my stuff. Chances are that I would let you, but I’d really appreciate it if you asked.

Most of my things are very specifically catered to me and my super dry, hyper-sensitive skin, and well… I need them. It’s not like I get to the store every day. And I have plenty of other things you can use, like sample packages or products I bought that didn’t turn out to be suited for me.

But if you choose to ignore this advice, and just use the things I already have in the shower without asking me… LEAVE THE GODDAMN CAPS ON THE BOTTLES!! THEY ARE FLIP TOPS FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!

P.S. Don’t even think about using my razor. I’ll happily give you a new blade to use with my handle if you need a shave.

Thanks to all who gave me kind words when I was freaking out yesterday and the night before about UMIL’s disapproval of me. Today I’m feeling a little better.

I try to approach the situation with humor, because otherwise all I’d have is anger. And well, anger is bad. :-p

I did get some thoughtful advice from people yesterday…

From my dad:
He’s her guy, and she’ll do anything to hold onto that. You are a threat to her, so she’s fighting back.

From my boss (who always has such a way with words):
If you’re planning on marrying this guy—or okay, living in sin for the rest of your life, whatever—she’s not going anywhere and you have to find a way to get along with her.

Ehhhh, so I didn’t ask for her, but boy do I have to deal with her. I just have to remind myself that I’m lucky I don’t have to spend whole entire days with the UMIL.

And I must remember to laugh.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Just because you have a digital camera and the pictures are “free,” it doesn’t mean that you have carte blanche to take pictures of your girlfriend* whenever you want. And if you do it anyway, and she tells you “Delete that, I look like shit,” THEN DO IT.

And if you ignore this request, definitely DO NOT take the picture files to your parents’ house and then leave them on their computer. Especially if your parents are in the process of digitally archiving all of their pictures for posterity.

Because one day, in preparation for a visit from YOUR mother, your girlfriend will be lovingly going through a CD of your family photos so you can display some of them alongside the pictures of her family.

And in between the pictures of your dad’s birthday and your cousins playing in the pool, she will find one of herself. In a bikini top, eating a tunafish sandwich, with ZIT CREAM on her face.

And believe me, you WILL regret it.

*or wife, boyfriend, husband, etc.