My Blood Runs Cold

Filed under: — Kate @ 1:42 pm EST

Dear imbecile who thought it was a good idea to BLAST music in the parking lot of my building at 7:00 AM this morning,

Consider yourself lucky to be alive, because I was very near the brink of pushing the air conditioner out of my window and onto your head. That guy who finally came out and asked you to turn off the music? You owe him your life.

Now, I love me some J. Geils Band as much as the next girl, but what makes you think that ANYONE wants to hear it at 7:00 AM?!! Some of us are still recovering from a rather hellish weekend, and could really have used the extra minutes of precious sleep that you so selfishly denied us.

My bedroom, as well as the bedrooms of at least seven other apartments overlook that little parking lot. And generally, I have accepted the annoyances that come with it. I don’t complain about the beeping when the back gate is opened. Or the car doors slamming. Or the trash truck emptying the dumpsters at 2:00 AM.

Okay, so I did once grumble about the dude playing his bongos in the alley at 8:00 AM on a Sunday. But even he didn’t piss me off as much as you did.

Now obviously, you were here to perform some sort of maintenance in the building, and I understand wanting to hear a little music while you work… but for Christ’s sake, get a fucking iPod already. Or even just a little boom box. Don’t open up all the doors on your van and crank the radio up to the max!

If you EVER do this again, I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth. I will not kill you, but you will be begging for death before I am done.

I will find out where you live. I will secretly install tiny speakers all over your bedroom. In the walls, in the floor. You won’t see them, but they will be there. And I will rig them to play that annoying Barney song every night, over and over and over again, gradually increasing in volume, until you eventually go insane.

I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…

You think I’m kidding, don’t you? Well ask yourself, when was the last time you heard bongos coming from the alley?

6 Responses to “My Blood Runs Cold”

  1. Stan Says:

    Is your angel a centerfold?

  2. Kate Says:

    Could be. But not at 7:00 AM.

  3. Han Says:

    I happened upon your blog after googling “I hate my upstairs neighbors”. You’ve helped me put things in perspective. I’m glad I don’t live where you live.


  4. Kate Says:

    Anything I can do to help!

  5. ash Says:

    i dont know what to say abt the guy and his music, but the writing was just too funny, i was roaring by the time i finished.

  6. Kate Says:

    Thanks, ash!