Quack Quack

Filed under: — Kate @ 1:20 am EST

Anyone know a good sharp shooter?

If so, see if they will take on a pro bono case and rid Philadelphia of the ducks.

I had to physically hold my arm down to keep from flipping one of them off on Sunday.

Let me explain…
The ducks of which I speak are not waterfowl, they are DUKWs, old military amphibious transports. Many of them have been converted into commercial tour vehicles. There’s info on Wikipedia if you care to know more.

They have them in several major cities. The gimmick is that they drive around the city showing people the sites, and then plop into the water for a trip up the river to see things from the other side. Now I don’t really have a problem with that. Cute idea, whatever.

It’s the quacking. You see, they give each of their passengers a little noisemaker-quacking-thingy, and encourage people to use it to quack at the passers by. They actually target you. The driver points at you, and they all lean out and quack right at you. I cannot begin to tell you how annoying this is. You’ll just have to trust me.

Supporting evidence: Riders’ Reviews from the Duck Website
“The expressions on the faces of the unsuspecting people we serenaded with our quacking…were priceless….
Ed note: Yeah lady, that’s because no one wanted to shout “FUCK YOU” with all those kids around.

The giddiness began while we were standing in line waiting to board, practicing our quacking techniques and watching a very well-rehearsed group of seasoned duckers quacking their way through “YMCA” upon the end of their tour.”
-Shelly and John Xxxxxx, Lewes, DE*
Ed note: Why don’t you people just die. Die die die?!!

“The experience was an exciting concoction of quacking and information. The music was terrific, ranging from Grand Old Flag to the Macarena. I was completely impressed by the ride and the FREE quacking beak. If there was a Duck in NYC I’d most likely ride it to work every single day!! In all honesty, I loved the Duck!!! Duck Fan Forever!!”
-Toni Xxxxxxx, New York City, NY*
Ed note: sorry, I couldn’t comment about this one, as I had to wrestle with the urge to blow my brains out after reading it. Concoction of quacking–Macarena–FREE quacking beak–ride to work–AAAAAAAaaggggh!! *twitch, twitch, slaps self in the head* I’m okay now. Good thing I don’t own a gun.

*Last names have been excised to protect the stupid. But you can see the full names on the duck website if you really care.

2 Responses to “Quack Quack”

  1. Kamin Says:

    HAAAA!!! You’d think someone from NYC would be beyond those country-bumpkin gimmicks… yeah, that would be really very annoying. You need to find the Duck Nest and drill some holes in the floor. After all, REAL ducks do dive down under the water sometimes.

  2. Kate Says:

    It’s not the ducks themselves that bother me so much as the people in them. I’d hate to trash a vintage WWII piece. But a good idea, nevertheless.