A lot of people have been asking me if I’m going to Live 8.

Of course I’m going to Live 8. I may not spend the whole day there, but I will certainly be going.

I’m not thrilled with the lineup. In fact, the Kaiser Chiefs are really the only band I’m interested in seeing. But this is more than just a big ol’ free concert. A lot of people seem to have missed that key point. It’s also the biggest push we’ve ever had toward ending the crisis in Africa. And with the finance ministers agreeing to drop 100% of the debt in the world’s 18 poorest countries, we just might see some progress.

If you think this makes me a bleeding heart, you can suck my big toe.

Here’s why this is so important:
-More than one billion people in the world live on less than one dollar a day.
-Another 2.7 billion people struggle to survive on less than two dollars per day.
-Every year 11 million children, most under the age of five, die. More than six million die from preventable causes like malaria, diarrhea and pneumonia.
-In some deeply impoverished nations less than half of the children are in primary school and under 20 percent go to secondary school.
-Worldwide, a total of 114 million children do not get even a basic education and 584 million women are illiterate.
[UN Millennium Project]

See also:
Live 8
The ONE Campaign
Make Poverty History
DATA

So anyone planning to be in Philly on July 2nd? Let me know.

I just called a local courier to cancel a delivery (work related), and as the guy on the phone was taking my information, he started chuckling. He said “Pardon me for laughing. It’s just that this machine sometimes… it has days when it can be a little difficult.” So to be nice I replied “Oh yes, we all have days like that.” And then you know what he told me?! He said “I’d like to think it’s exhibiting its ornery female nature. But that’s just one guy’s opinion.”

HOLY CRAP!! Who the hell says that to a perfect stranger on the phone during a professional exchange?

Am I right to be a little ticked at that, or am I just being an ornery female?

Every girl hears a stupid pick up line from time to time. Whenever a guy hits on me, I try to be nice. We all know what rejection feels like, and it sucks. But sometimes I hear a line that’s so asinine, it’s all I can do to keep from saying one of two things:

“Did your mother teach you to talk to women like that?”
-OR-
“What makes you think that you have a chance in hell with me?”

Many times, it starts with a hair comment. My hair color is unusual, and I frequently receive compliments on it from both men and women. And that’s fine. I am ALWAYS gracious to those people. After all, it’s simply a nice thing to say, like “Great purse!” or “I love your shoes!” I just smile and say “Thank you very much.” Unless they ask me if the color is real. Then I might also roll my eyes and say, “It’s quite real.” One of these days, I’ll get up the nerve to retort to the women “Yes, and how about yours?” or to the guys “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Anyway, nine times out of ten, that’s the end of it. But the other ten percent of the time… (more…)

I’m such a bad blogger. You can all feel free to cyber-bitchslap me. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say… I’ve just found myself somehow incapable of typing it. Oh well. You’ll probably be hearing a bit more from me this week. For now, here are some of the fun and wild details of my crazy life… (more…)

Oh how I love Lewis Black.

Gawd, what a sissy. I can’t believe I used to be in love with him!

Little Squirt

So I have these two new interns… we’ll call them Dumb and Dumber. They are driving me nuts. I thought you needed to be smart to get into college. They are keeping me too busy to go into more detail, but don’t let me forget to tell you about them. For now, have a laugh at Tom Cruise’s expense:

Tom Cruise’s Medical Forum

Female Celebrities I hate…
-Celine Dion
-Jennifer Lopez
-Britney Spears
-Ashlee Simpson
-Lindsay Lohan
-Barbara Streisand

Female Celebrities I love…
-Gwen Stefani
-Julianne Moore
-Scarlett Johansson
-Keira Knightley
-Charlize Theron
-Marcia Cross
-Sandra Bullock (although she’s on shaky ground after Miss Congeniality 2.)

Female Celebrities I used to love, but now I can’t stand…
-Cameron Diaz
-Renee Zellwegger
-Madonna
-Katie Holmes (last minute addition–she was on the fence with the whole Tom Cruise thing, but the conversion to Scientology clinched it)

Female Celebrities I used to hate, but now I really don’t care…
-Alanis Morissette
-Sarah Jessica Parker

Names are arranged in no particular order. Feel free to disagree or add your own. FYI, I left politicians and political pundits off the list on purpose. I also excluded dead people, because really, I have to get some work done at some point.

This seems to be fun, so I’ll probably do it every few weeks or so (or when the inspiration hits me). I have a theme this time: food. Answer truthfully or lie your ass off, whichever you prefer. I’ll answer my own questions when it seems like everyone else is done.

1) What did you have for dinner last night?

2) How often do you go out to eat? What’s the last place where you dined out?

3) Do you ever eat fast food? From where?

4) How often do you cook at home?

5) Soda or pop?

6) Name some of your favorite ice cream flavors.

7) How often do you eat ethnic food? What kinds?*

8) Is there a special food item or dish that you make—something for which you’re known?

9) Coffee or espresso (or tea)?

10) And the ever burning question: food or sex?

*For our purposes, “ethnic food” will refer to food that clearly has its origins in a country that you are not from, and in many cases, is prepared and served by someone from that country. It can’t be an Americanized version like pizza or hamburgers. I think you catch my drift.

Saw Kung Fu Hustle last night. Good stuff. I highly recommend it.

That is all.

So after having a look at this site: How Do Dinosaurs Fit With the Bible?, courtesy of Holz, I was so overwhelmed with frustration (okay, loathing), that I was grateful to stumble upon this one: JESUS FUCKING ROCKS!, courtesy of NDC.

People who still have AOL accounts, especially if it’s AOL for Broadband.

People who have their monitor resolution set at 800 x 600.

People who have icons (usually upwards of 40+) scattered all over their desktop with no apparent rhyme or reason.

People who have chronically malware/spyware infected computers.

People who have chronically malware/spyware infected computers and never do anything about it.

People who, after I tell them never to save anything in MS Access, think that they should never save any file in any program. EVER.

People who find it “strange” or “freaky” that someone from the IT department can access our computers remotely.

People who find it “strange” or “freaky” that someone from the IT department can access our computers remotely, and then say “does that go through the network or something?” when I tell them that I can similarly use my laptop to remotely access my home computer. [I actually told this person “No, it uses moonbeams.”]

People who work for an IT department and know less about computers than me (since I don’t work in an IT department).

Remember how Dubya always says “They hate us because they hate freedom?”

So is our government is trying to keep us safe by giving them less freedom to hate?

After hours of secret deliberations, [The U.S. Senate intelligence committee] voted 11-4 to send to the full Senate a proposal that would give the FBI the power to subpoena without judicial approval a wide range of personal documents ranging from health and library records to tax statements.

The legislation approved by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence also would make permanent intelligence-related sections of the USA Patriot Act that are scheduled to expire at the end of the year. [Reuters]

Remember back when everyone kept saying “If we do [insert action here], then the terrorists win?” If you avoid large crowds because you’re afraid of an attack, then the terrorists win. If you stop flying for fear of being hijacked, then the terrorists win. If you drink French wine, the terrorists win. If you smoke pot, the terrorists win. Remember that?

So how come no one says “If we enact a law that suspends the freedoms and rights bestowed upon us (and by “us” I really mean white male landowners) by the founding fathers, then the terrorists win?”

Maybe because in this case, the terrorists haven’t won.

We’ve defeated ourselves.

See Also:
We Fought a Revolution So We Could Chuck It All 200-Odd Years Later [Fables of the Reconstruction]

I can’t believe this is real.

But it is.

To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court ruling that upheld the right to use birth control pills, Planned Parenthood is sending a giant fuzzy birth control pill to Washington, DC.

And it will be giving out cupcakes.

Am I the only one who thinks this makes a mockery of the long, hard fought (and ongoing) fight to give women control over their reproductive health?

It’s not a silly situation, people. It’s been forty years. And FORTY YEARS later, there are still those who would seek to deny women access to birth control.

Every day, more and more pharmacists and doctors are refusing to fill or write prescriptions for birth control. [Prevention]

Republicans blocked a house vote on an amendment to the military authorization bill that would have provided sexual assault victims with access to the morning-after pill. [NYT via IHT]

The Roman Catholic Church remains firm in its opposition to contraception of any kind. [catholic.com]

It’s birth control’s birthday, everyone! Have a cupcake.

See also:
Planned Parenthood’s “Birthday for Birthcontrol” [Wonkette]
Celebrating 40 Years of Protected Birth Control [Planned Parenthood]
Giant Pill Will Visit the Hill… [Planned Parenthood]
Timeline: The Pill [PBS]

Somebody please tell me…

Why oh WHY do men like to play car racing games?

Perhaps someone with a Y chromosome could explain this to me, because I just don’t get it. It looks so BORING!! And I realize that these games captivate thousands if not millions of men and boys (and probably some females) each day, so there must be something to it. So let me in on the secret. Please, please help me understand!

I never got around to posting this last week, so maybe some of you have already seen it, but I thought it was still funny enough to merit a remark.

Local real estate developer William Juliano threw a little hissy fit when he wasn’t allowed to build a Home Depot in the middle of a New Jersey wetland area. So he put up this billboard.

Sources report that he is currently holding his breath until he gets his way.

So I thought I’d take a look at some of the Internet searches that returned a hit for this little blog. Here are some of the best ones:

why do you cross yourself in catholic mass
I wonder if they liked my explanation…

rush limbaugh blowjob
And 9 other permutations thereof.

pics of kirstie allie
And 5 other similar strings. Someone please explain why anyone would want to look at pictures of her voluntarily?

vatican pardon gallileo
Did I ever mention Galileo on here? ‘Cause if I did, I can’t figure out where.

good charlette bashing
Yes, please! But spell their name right when you do it, okay?

fags like kenn
Do they?

ghetto st.patrick day
Yeah, we got that in Philly.

hayden christensen boxers or briefs
I dunno. Someone get him to answer the survey.

And my favorite:
does hayden christensen like oral sex
Why even ask a question like that? He’s a guy, isn’t he?

Sometimes it’s so nice to just do nothing…

Today I slept until 2:30. Well, okay. I got up at 9:55, bought Coldplay tickets at 10:00, then went back to bed.

During the past TV season, we saved every episode of 24 so we could watch them later. So after I woke up, we sat down and began a little 24 marathon for ourselves. Well, we started it after I got over the nagging feeling that I had something to do today. I guess I’ve been so busy lately that I’d forgotten what it’s like to do nothing. Not that I’m complaining, but it’s still nice. (more…)

Trucker Bombs [MSNBC]

I love how in the second paragraph, it actually says “Most drivers whiz along the nation’s highways largely oblivious to their roadside surroundings.”

People who use the spacebar instead of the tab key to align things in word documents.

PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. Worse yet, people who hit the caps loCK BY MISTAKE BUT KEEP ON TYPING.

People who use a one-way speaker phone system, and expect me to hear them talk when I’m already speaking.

People who travel half way around the world and forget to bring the name and location of their hotel.